Finding myself without you
by Elodea
Summary: Yuna must get on with her life. But how can you do that when you've been pretending so long you don't know who you are? And when a new evil arises will Yuna be up to the challange?
1. My time here ends now

Disclaimer: I don't own Final fantasy X or any of it's characters. They all belong to Square so sue them not me.  
  
A/n: Hello! This is my first fic so don't hate me too much. Don't flame me, if you don't like my writing them don't read my story. However, constructive criticism is more then appreciated. I'm sorry if the characters are out of Character. : = thinking. This fic is not recommended for Tiuna fans. I'm sorry If some of my information is wrong. I havn't finished the game yet.  
  
Chapter #1 My time hear ends now.  
  
Yuna sat in yet another boring council meeting. They all seemed to think that she had nothing better to do with her time than sit around and listen to problems she had no idea how to solve. What was this one about again? Something to do with fishing on Kilika. She had given up listening ages ago. "So lady Yuna, What do you think?" Someone asked and every one in the room looked at her. :Oh shit: she thought " Um.. ab -about what?" "About my proposal." :What proposal?: "Oh er.. it's a good idea." "Lady Yuna what was his proposal about?" asked a skeptical person just three seats across from her. :Crap: "Um. Fishing in Kilika?" The council member looked startled yet slightly disappointed. :Yes I got it right: "Um. Could you all excuse me for just a second" Yuna asked and left the room. Once she was free of their watchful eyes, she slumped against the wall ad put her head in her hands "Oh God." she mumbled running her fingers through her hair. "Why can't they just leave me alone." The all-too-helpful secretary at the front desk saw her and rushed over. "Lady Yuna are you all right?" "Oh yes I'm fine" Yuna hastily replied, trying to pretend all was well. The secretary wasn't fooled. "Oh now dear you're just saying that. I can tell you're being worked to death. You're far too young for all this responsibility. Why you're only 19, you're younger than I am. If you don't feel up to it, then you tell them." "You know what? I think I just might." Yuna tucked her hair behind her ears, regained her composure and calmly walked into the room. "I know this is sudden but I can't do this any more." She told them. "Do what?" asked an old man in the far side of the room. "This." She said gesturing around the room. "Be on the council, make decisions. I can't." "B-but why not?' Asked the person who had given the presentation. "Because I just can't. I was never the right person for the job. I should never have been appointed head of the council. I know that you can appoint someone so much better for this job, but my time here ends now. I resign." With that she walked out of the room and left the building.  
  
:Finally: she thought. :I'm free:  
  
Yuna stepped out of a now rather common airship and looked around at the familiar surroundings of Besaid. While places like Bevelle and Luca had gone under massive changes (what, with the new machina and all) over the last two years, islands like Besaid and Killika had stayed relatively the same. "Yuna you're back ya!" yelled a man with orange hair. Yuna smiled at Wakka. "Yes! I am! I finally took you're advice and resigned!" she shouted back. "C'mon I'll take you back to da village ya. We'll see Lu', lil' Lucinda and all the old gang." "I'd like that very much." Yuna smiled. Ah it was good to be home. As she entered the village she saw a blonde girl running up to her. "Yunie! You're back!" she called and flung her arms around Yuna's neck. Yuna returned the hug. "It's good to see you to cousin." She greeted Rikku. Just then an over eager toddler came running (or at least what kinda looked liked running) out of Wakka's hut shouting "Nuna's he'! Nuna's he'!" "Why hello Cindy." She said bending down to pick up the toddler. " Indeed I am back and I'm glad to see you too!" A woman with long black hair rushed out of the very same hut. She saw Lucinda in Yuna's arms. "Oh good you've got her." She sighed. Clearly mother hood was tiring Lulu. "Lulu it's so good to see you." Yuna told the older woman. "I'm very glad you're here too. That council position wasn't bringing you any happiness." Every one smiled. It was just like Lulu not to show much emotion, but they all knew deep down inside Lulu cared a great deal for Yuna. "Wonderful, now that we're all here let's go inside and get something to eat!" chirped Rikku. She was the most cheerful of the group. Always smiling and ever enthusiastic. They all gathered around the small table in Lulu and Wakka's rather simple hut. It followed the same style as all the huts in Besaid village, one single dome-shape room. So how is Kimahri doing on Mt Gagazet?" She asked every one. Her former guardian had just two months ago returned to the home land of the Ronso help rebuild their home. Although it had been almost two years from the time it was destroyed. It had taken them that long to find a new leader. "Oh he's doing just fine! He said he misses us but he also is very happy being accepted by his kind even with his broken horn! Though he'll be especially happy to know that you've finally resigned from the stupid council position they had put you in!" Rikku told her happily. Yuna just smiled. She was very happy that her long-time friend was finally being accepted. She was also aware that each of her friends had forever been trying to get her to resign. Now she could just be herself, not pretending, not for any one. She sat for a moment trying to relax and be herself, but the only problem was her body didn't really know how to arrange itself. :has it been this long since I was myself?: She wondered :Don't I even know who I am?: 


	2. just another day in Luca

Disclaimer: I still don't own Final fantasy X. Tell no-one of my plans.  
  
Chapter #2 Just another day in Luca.  
  
Yuna had been sitting there, at that beach for at least an hour now. She sat there. Just sitting, and thinking. She thought of everything that had happened to her so far in her life. From her fathers death, to losing Tidus. You would think that all these events would shape her as a person, but Yuna was very good at hiding her pain. Even from herself. Was she going to have to face that pain now? Probably.  
  
And all the while there was the "small" problem of the fact that she didn't really know who she was. Suddenly she heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Wakka standing there. "Yuna?" he said. "Why'd ya leave all a'sudden ya?" "I just need think." "'Bout what ya?" "Just stuff." "'Bout Tidus ya?" "Yes about him." He moved to sit beside her, and placed his arm comfortingly around her shoulder. "We all miss dat kid ya. Even 'Lu some times." "Not just about him." "Den what else?" "Just other things" Yuna said rather vaguely. "Yuna I'm you're friend ya. I can't help ya if ya don't tell me what's wrong ya." He told her. "It's just that, who am I? Really? And don't say Yuna because that doesn't really answer my question. Ever since I became a summoner I had to hide my true feelings. Smile when I felt like frowning, and laugh when I felt like crying." A tear began to roll down her cheek. " All this time I've been putting on this, this mask, and now that I can take it off I find myself wondering what is actually beneath it? And that got me thinking, I wish he were here. He'd know what to do. He always did. He could make me laugh. He knew me better then I knew myself. How can I possibly find out who I am with out him?" Yuna paused for a moment. The emotion stacked up inside her felt almost too much to bear. "Yuna.." Wakka began, but Yuna shook her head, she wasn't finished yet. "But what hurts the most is that he can't come back. He isn't real. He was all just a dream. A wonderful, fantastic dream. But when you wake up that's all he was, just a dream." More tears fell, and this time they didn't stop. 'Yuna you're not alone in this ya. We're here for you Yuna. All of us, me, Rikku, 'Lu and even lil' Cindy. We're gonna try an' help ya through dis ya. Tidus isn't here but we're all gonna do out best to put a smile back on you're face ya. Now it's gettin' late I'm gonna head back, you might wanna do da same ya?" "Alright. I will. I just need a little more time to myself. Okay?" "Fine see ya later ya." "Bye." With that Wakka stood up and left Yuna, once again, to her thoughts.  
  
Rikku approached her sleeping cousin. She sighed, if they were going to go to Luca today Yuna was going to have to get up. Because, and only because, of what had happened last night Rikku decided against jumping on her bed and shaking Yuna. She simply poked her gently. Yuna stirred but ultimately nothing happened. So she poked her again, and again, and again until finally she moaned. "Urrggghhhh. Go 'way." Yuna mumbled rather uncharacteristically. "No Yunie. You have to get up." Rikku told her. "Mmmmmpppph. Why?" "Because we're going to Luca!" Now this got Yuna's attention. "W-what?" "Wakka told Lulu 'n' me what happened last night by the beach, we -well I- thought it would be good if you, Lulu and me had a "girls only" day in Luca! Just think Yunie! We can go shopping and go to a café, maybe even catch a game! Waddya say? Pleeeeese?" "Um, well that does kind of nice." "Yay! Oh this is going to be sooo much fun! I'm gonna go tell Lulu and Wakka! See ya!" Rikku was bouncing up and down in her usual happy way. Yuna smiled as Rikku left the room, she probably hadn't even asked Lulu yet. Sure enough a few minutes later she saw Rikku trying to coax Lulu into going. "Oh come on Lulu it'll be real fun. Yuna already said she go didn't you Yuna?" Rikku said looking expectantly at the former summoner. "Well. yes I suppose I did." Yuna replied feeling rather uncomfortable under the watchful gazes of both Lulu and Rikku. "See." Rikku told a reluctant Lulu. "Well I could use a break from parenting.." "What! You're not takin' her with you?" asked Wakka "Pleeeeease?" Prompted Rikku, ignoring Wakka. "Umm.. Oh well all right I'll come." Lulu agreed albeit reluctantly. "Yay!" Cried Rikku. "Yeah all right we're going to Luca." Once again Rikku was bouncing up and down, until she saw Yuna standing there in her pajamas. "Oh! Come on Yuna you gotta get ready! You can borrow something of mine!" "Um.I don't thi." Yuna started "Oh that's okay! I don't mind!" And she promptly pulled Yuna over to her chest with her clothes in. Wakka and Lulu just walked outside with Lucinda, laughing.  
  
A while later Rikku emerged with a very anxious Yuna, who was wearing the longest shorts Rikku had -which still didn't even reach mid-thigh- and the least revealing top which still left quite a bit of skin showing. "Are you sure I look okay?" Yuna kept asking Rikku as they made their was to the airship. "Yes, I'm sure for the twenty fifth time, Yuna. Stop asking." "Sorry." Yuna replied. That very reply had become a sort of reaction for her over the years. Just another reminder of what her time as a summoner and head of the council had done to her. :No: she thought as she shook off that feeling :I'm going to have fun. I'm not going to brood today: And with that she, Rikku and Lulu boarded the airship.  
  
Once the airship had landed Rikku grabbed Lulu and Yuna and dragged them off to all the shops. And when I say all the shops, I mean all. "Rikku, stop it we've been looking at these shops for hours, and why are we looking and paint?" Yuna asked after what seemed like (or actually may have been) hours. "Nonsense it has not been hours. It's been..." Rikku checked her watch "..Two...hours, a-and we're looking at paint b-because I-I, oh I don't know. Okay we could rest for a while." Said Rikku, clearly disappointed. Lulu sighed with relief. "Thank God. From a Hyperactive toddler to a hyperactive 18 year old." "Haha. Very funny Lulu. But I know you don't mean that." Rikku retorted "Aaalrighty then! I know this great café and it's just over there!" She said pointing in a very vague direction. "Um Rikku? Where over there?" asked Lulu. "Just follow me!' Rikku then grabbed them both and led the zigzagging through the crowd, until they came across a small café with large colourful umbrellas and several handfuls of people sitting down and talking. Rikku selected a table and sat down. She motioned for Yuna and Lulu to do the same, so they both sat down and looked at the menus. When they had all finished, Rikku suggested they go see a game of Blitzball. Although seeing something that would remind her of Tidus was the last thing Yuna wanted to do right now she agreed anyway. They walked over to the ticket both and bought three tickets for the next game. "The Al bhed Psychs verses the Kilika beasts." Rikku read aloud. "Yay! Go the Psychs! I hope toast their asses!" Rikku Squealed with excitement. The three girls made their way to the stands and took their seats. Even though there were speakers all over the stadium Yuna and Lulu could barely hear the commentators over Rikku's yelling and cheering. "Whoohooo!!!! Go Psychs!! Yeah!!! Awww c'mon!!! They're losers you can beat them!!!" The noise was deafening and Yuna couldn't even see over the top of the Ronso in front of her Lulu looked bored and kept checking her watch to see when the game would end. When the game was finally over they managed to catch an airship back to Besaid just before the sun went down. By the time they got back Wakka and Cindy were asleep and there wasn't many lights on in the village. They crept into the house and soundlessly made their way into bed. Yuna, like everyone else, was exhausted and not long after her head hit the pillow did she drift off to sleep.  
  
That night, Yuna had a dream. Tidus came to see her, but it wasn't exactly what you'd call a social call. "Yuna," he said. "I came to warn you, I don't have much time but, You're in danger. I can't tell you what sort but please, listen to me, I know this sounds crazy but don't trust anyone wearing pink. Okay? I have to go now. Be strong, Spira needs you to." And with that he faded and Yuna woke up startled.  
  
A/n: Okay. I know the pink thing is quit weird, not even I know what it means but oh well my bizarre imagination has never failed me before. Also there's this thing I need to say. Review's people! (There are people reading this right?) See I don't know! Please do review or I'll stop writing!!! (Okay maybe that ISN'T the way to coax you into reviewing but oh well) 


	3. The begining of something

Disclaimer: I still don't own FFX. God I wish I did. I do, however own Nyla, Nyla's bar Jeff and Jinan.  
  
A/n: Because this took so long don't be fooled into thinking I have a life, I'm just really lazy.  
  
Chapter #3 The beginning of something  
  
Yuna's eyes fluttered open rather late that morning.  
  
"Pink" she mumbled sleepily. "Oh God I'm going crazy."  
  
After that, er, rather energetic day yesterday getting up was the last thing on her mind. So with that she rolled over and went back to sleep.  
  
Such a routine continued for the next week or so and no matter how much she was coaxed Yuna refused to do anything other than sleep, eat and wallow in self-pity. Rikku, Lulu and Wakka were all very worried about her and none of them had any idea what had caused this behavior let alone how to cure it.  
  
One morning Yuna awoke to find the covers were inching off her, slowly making their way down to the floor. She sat up and saw baby Cindy's big burgundy eyes staring up at her. 'Cindy had, it seems, decided that Yuna was no longer allowed to lie in bed all day and wallow in self-pity, so therefore had to get up.  
  
Yuna sighed and pulled the toddler on to the bed.  
  
"Oh perhaps you're right 'Cindy" She said to her. "It is time to get up isn't it?"  
  
Yuna sat there looking at the small child for a little while. I was amazing how much she looked like Lulu, But she had this cheeky little grin that could only be Wakka's.  
  
Seeing her actions had taken little effect, 'Cindy began to pull at the covers again.  
  
"Oh, okay I'm getting up." Moaned Yuna. She smiled at the one-year-old, who giggled and clapped her hands as she watched Yuna slowly get out of bed.  
  
"It would seem you have more sense than me." Yuna told 'Cindy as she picked her up and carried her out side to the others.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~* Somewhere far away in a small bar.  
  
Nyla first saw this strange character when she went to the market yesterday to get more beer for the bar. Now again she saw that very same person in a dark brown cloak two minutes before closing.  
  
"A beer thanks." They croaked, sitting on one of the stools. Nyla eyed the stranger suspiciously and kept one hand on the gun she had recently placed behind the counter. She wasn't about to let this weirdo rob her-if that was their aim.  
  
"Oi, Jeff start closin' the windows will ya?" she told the boy who worked in the back room.  
  
"You'll have to leave soon." She added to the person sitting there. "Soon we'll be closed." Nyla was generally quite laid-back, but she was very strict when it came to closing time. No matter who was there Nyla wanted to get home to bed.  
  
"Just a little while longer." The stranger said to her. No it wasn't a request, this person had just told her not to close on time.  
  
Oh Nyla was furious no one told her what to do in her own bar, especially not strange cloaked weirdoes.  
  
"Actually now. This is my bar and if I say its closing time then you leave. Got it?"  
  
"That's not a very good way to keep customers." The person said in a monotone. Put the half-full glass down and left.  
  
Nyla frowned, she hadn't expected it to be that easy. But who was complaining, now she could go home.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~* A few meters out side Nyla's bar  
  
Jinan walked through the darkness silently. After being thrown out of the woman's bar, he didn't really feel like going anywhere else. So he continued on, walking in silence until he could walk no longer. He was still so very far from reaching his goal and right now all that could stop him was a small group of people, who didn't even know he existed, let alone what he planned to do or how to stop him. And if Jinan got his way, they never would.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*  
  
Haha! Cliffhanger! Who is Jinan? What is his goal? And for the completely stupid, who are the people who can stop him? *Switches to announcer-like voice* Find out in the next installment of... FINDING MYSELF WITHOUT YOU!!!!! 


	4. Don't worry, I'm okay, I just need to go...

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX or its characters.  
  
Chapter #4 Don't worry I'm okay, I just need to go jump out a window.  
  
Rikku found Yuna sitting on a hill watching the sunset. It was beautiful that day, reds and oranges spilling over the horizon, staining the clouds.  
  
"I'm guessing our little trip to Luca that time did more bad than good." She said  
  
Yuna turned to see her cousin looking at her anxiously.  
  
"No, no it wasn't all bad. It was just that the blitzball game.. well, it made me think of Tidus.  
  
"Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have been so imposing."  
  
"It wasn't your fault. I should have said something. I'm too quiet."  
  
"So we both were kinda at fault. You're too quiet and I'm too loud."  
  
"Yeah." Yuna said with a laugh. "Come on sit down and we can catch up. Tell me what's been happening while I was in hibernation."  
  
So they sat there and talked and talked and talked and laughing as cousins should. Until Rikku decided to bring up the other matter that had been on her mind.  
  
"Umm, Yuna are you all right now?" She asked.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well first when you here you had that, well. breakdown on the beach, then one Blitzball game sends you into hibernation for two weeks and all the while you've been distant and quiet. I mean I swear today is the first time I seen you laugh in ages and well, I'm worried about you Yuna I really am. I don't know about Lulu or Wakka but I am."  
  
"Don't worry about me Rikku. I'm Fine I just need to sort a few things out." : Yeah right: said that nasty little voice of reason inside Yuna's head :If you're fine I'd hate to see what a screwed up person looks like:  
  
Yuna shook the voice off. :I'm not going to listen to you any more: She told it. :I'm just fine, really, really.: :Yeah, yeah just keep telling you're self that: It said again.  
  
Yuna became more annoyed :Oh great: She thought :Now not only do I have voices in my head but I'm talking to them: :God you're weird Yuna: :No I'm not, crap I'm doing it again! Okay now Yuna don't panic you're not going nuts: :Yes you are: : No shut up I'm not, la la la la la la I can't hear you: :Yes you can stop being such a baby: : Go awaaaaaay!: :Well fine then: :Yay!!!!!!!! The voice is gone:  
  
"Umm Yuna are you alright?" inquired Rikku. Who had just seen Yuna's expression change rapidly from annoyance, to panic, to joy.  
  
"Oh ah yeah I'm fine I just need to think." Yuna replied hastily. She had forgotten Rikku was there.  
  
"Okay. Bye!" said Rikku and she walked down to the village.  
  
Yuna turned to look at the sunset again, only to find that the sun had already set. Not wanting to think and with no sunset to look at Yuna wandered down to the beach to listen to the sound of the waves. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~* A large house in Bevelle  
  
Ani sighed. He was gone. He was really gone. After blabbering on and on about some hair-brained scheme to make all the world bow to him (or something equally crazy) for weeks he had finally left in the dead of the night, a few days ago.  
  
:What's going to happen now?: she wondered. She tried to tell herself that it was all mindless blabber. That he would be found in two days in a ditch some where completely mad and put in a psychiatric ward, but all those books he had been reading, they were all from the non-fiction section of the library so the had to have been true. They all spoke of what he said. Of some great force.  
  
:What should I do? Should I go and tell some one? Who would believe me?: Ani was worried, there was no doubt about that. What of she still wasn't sure, but perhaps there was someone who could help, someone who would listen.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~* Late that night, back in Besaid  
  
Yuna awoke with a start. Sweat drenched her bed sheets, covered her forehead and soaked her hair. On top of that she was panting like a dog.  
  
She had been having a terrible dream.  
  
She and Tidus had been walking down a beach holding hands and it had felt like heaven just to be standing next to him again. Then all of a sudden he started choking and blood came out of his mouth, he dropped to his knees and out of nowhere a big bloody hole appeared in his chest. The dream ended with his eyes glazing over and him falling onto the sand. Dead.  
  
She felt herself shaking violently, and for some reason she couldn't really stop. Yuna looked around at her sleeping friends, they all looked so peaceful and she didn't want to burden them with her troubles. She was a mess, there was no denying that and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get Tidus out of her mind. He was her chief thought during the day, and now it seemed he would conquer her dreams as well, for she had a felling that this wouldn't be the last dream. A hunch you could call it.  
  
Yuna lay back down in bed, trying to go back to sleep. She lay there for several hours until finally the sun's rays peaked over the hills in the east and carried her off to sleep.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~* Some where out in the wilderness  
  
Jinan felt like his legs were about to drop off, he had been walking all day and all night, but he shook he weariness off. Nothing would come between him and his goal, nothing. She would try and stop him. She would go to them, he knew she would. She was so predictable. Well even though she knew what he did, she and her little friends wouldn't be enough. Oh no, they were but drops in the ocean.  
  
So he continued on and on and on. Never ceasing, never pausing. On and on until he collapsed out of weariness, But even then he would only rest for and hour or two, before resuming his endless march to a place only he and one other knew.  
  
On and on..  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~* A/N: Hi! Sorry this and the last chapter have been so short but writers block is evil, evil evil evil!!! And yes I will eventually get on with unfolding the plot maybe soon... I just hate those stories that are so short!! I like things to be long, VERY long. Also I'm sorry if I take ages to get chapters up from now on but we just realize that our $15 am month Internet costs more than $15 a month. So Internet time is limited and I can't upload as regularly as I would like to. 


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